changed my name
not legally
(yet)
anya.
not boring old ashley anymore
its anya

my life pretty much sucks. i think i might go insane. my family treats me like utter shit. MY WHOLE GODDAMN FAMILY.my mom is trying to send me to stay with my grandparents another week. (i was there last week) i refuse to go. i cant take my phone. nor see my friends at all.

talk about ggggrrrr.
wanna hear the story.
i bet you do
alright.
i got grounded. why? i was late getting home cuz my phone was dead. my fault? no.
so instead of being able to see my friends and staying in my yard, i thought, "oh. maybe they will give me a break if i stay with grandparents and not see my friends at all."
i asked my mom. she could have said no. your grounded. but she said yes.
i spend all week with my grandpa.
talk about b-o-r-i-n-g
i get home and my mom is all like. here is your phone. your still grounded thought. btw. you might go back. no phone though

wtf?
i come home thinking i could spend at least a little time with some of my friends. before i was grounded. but no. haileys in michigan. parents wont drive me to see shelli. hannahs mom being a bitch. brianne is goin to camp. who else is there? no one. NO ONE.

did i mentain i have a boyfriend. briannes ex boyfriend. but i cant tell brianne that can i? the only reason they broke up is cuz of age difference. but i just wanted a boyfriend. i know what i did wrong. im sorry.

the guy i really liked. before i got a boyfriend. i really realy liked him. he told me he would never get another girlfriend. he loved me. bullshit. HE'S officially pissed me off. and dating my fucking cousing. when i found out you dont know how bad i wanted to breakdown and cry.

i had a girlfriend. broke up with her. i hadnt seen her once since we started dating. and she had a boyfriend i was friends with. fucked up i know. i loved her. really did. i miss her. but i cant help that.

my grandpa yelled at me. told me all my friends are bad influences on my life. i barely have any friends. and none of them are bad influences. if anyones a bad influence its me. its true.

see how fucked up my life is?
im serious.
im insane.

im tired of guys. im tired of ALMOST everyone. they all brought suicidal thoughts in to my head. im pissed. im sad. but yet kinda happy all at the say time. i try to be nice to the people i hate. they just be asses back. i try to be even more loving to the people i love, but they act as if they dont care. i tired of it. i really am. people dont understand me. they see a happy 13 year old girl on the outside. but then dont know wats on the inside. im such a terrible person, i got dumped. twice. in the same day. by two guys i really liked. (no they were not at the same time. one dumped me, then i went out with another) i guess im a slut too huh? yea. i know u were thinking it. i just want someone to love. thats all i want. loving my friends isnt enought. i want a guy, a man, to love.and one to love me back. i must be a slutty skanky bitchy whore huh? i hate myself. and many people around me. u read my poetry, almost all of it is suicidal poems. im obsessed with skulls because they remind me of death.i love death. its fasinating and i cant wait till i die. ill probally end up in hell anyways.

guys can really break a girls heart. and so can guys' moms. patrick. i loved him with all my heart. i still do. he says he still loves me. but his mom. his gayass bitchy mom. she dont like me. she read his texts. personal texts. its not right. she said he wasnt allowed to see me anymore. at all. ever. we broke up. because of his mom.

my friend tells me that many people will miss me if i die. i disagree. i could name 20 people off the top of my head that hate me and only like 10 that love me. im probally goin to start giving myself to drugs now. thats better than killing myself right? screwing up my head and insides. i know where to get it. i was offered it monday. weeed. the sound makes my heart rush. i keep saying it over in my head. my friend wants me not to. i will. he says he will miss me. i will miss him too. i will miss him alot. but he is just one person. one person wont change my mind. josh. he claims he is falling in love with me. but i kknow he still loves his ex. they broke up yesterday afternoon. me and josh started goin out yesterday night. he broke up wiht me after 2 hours. he said he wanted a break to cool down. him and his girlfriend just broke up he said. but then if he wanted to cool down, y did he say yes. he didnt hav to say yes. i liked him alot. i still do. not quite love yet tho. i cant talk to him. my phone is dead.

to add to everything. im fighting with too people. alli and ryan.
alli your first.everytime. EVERY FUCKING TIME. i begin to forgive u for the first thing u did, u ruin it and u do something else to majorly piss me off. ur a lying 2-faced bitch. HA! u even made number one on my hitlist. CONGRATS. im not bi alli. i never went out with u alli. i may hav made out with u, but not for the reasons u say. i smoke sometimes, im not a smoker tho. i never cheated on matt with u. i refuse to cheat. ive been cheated on. i know wat it feels like. u broke me and matt up. it crushed me. it may hav not seemed like it, and i may hav said it didnt, but it did. i loved him. but because of you, i hate him now. he believed your fucking lies.

ryan. its your turn. i know i dumped u many times. but it was because u hurt me. u dumped me the first time we broke up. u broke up wiht me for taylor martin. TAYLOR FUCKING MARTIN. shes a whore. idk y u did. but u did. then we went out again. u cheated on me. wth. HANNAH STREET. please. shes a smoking whore. shes probally a pothead too. then after that. i was tired of you hurting me. i was gonna hurt u back. again and again and again. u said that I cheated on u. HA! i refuse to cheat. i really do. u obviously dont understand. i tried to be friends with you. i really did. but u wouldnt stop. u kept bringing more and more hate towards you into my head. im tired of it. maybe u and alli should go out. u both really know how to piss me off.


damn did i let out alot of steam. wwwwoooooaaaahhhhh.

hav not updated in forever. and im on the schools computer. once again, i am in a fight with alli. i dont exactly rember why i was mad at her at first, but i began to get over it that BAM she's spreading rumors. IM not bisexual, i dont smoke, and i never asked you out alli. giv it up. i hav nothing else to say to you. i hav nothing else to say about you, i hav lost all complete respect for you. Stop bitching me out on IM. all i said was wtf and asked why u started the rumors. its really making me mad. im done with you. done.

________________________________________________________
ok.im writing a report in language, an opininated report on stereotypes. god, i hate them. IM NOT EMO, PUNK, GOTH. NONE!
k g2g. schoool is over....finally. write later

hello hello hello.
havnt updated lately. so i am
so how are all you??
im good. i hav one thing to say tho. im not emo, im not punk. im not goth. im DIFFERENT. so. yea.
we dont hav school tomarrow. yay me!!! i am currently drawing an awesome pic, but i cant put it on here cuz meh scanner wont work. well g2g. write more later. byebye